Reflections of a life well lived

The earliest memory to which I can associate a date occurred on the 13th of September 1952 when I was about 3 ½ years old. My sister Brenda was born on the 8th of September at the Kings Daughters Hospital in Ashland Kentucky. She came home with mom 5 days later. Family members and friends came to the house that day to see the new baby. We had a white wicker bassinet, and I placed my hands on the top edge and stretched to where I could see inside. My new sister was sleeping. She was covered with a fluffy yellow and white blanket. I don't remember my exact thoughts, but it was probably something like "OK, a new baby sister, yes she's cute, yes she's tiny but what's so special about her? There were already 3 kids in the family, the oldest Tom, myself and my sister Jan. Over the course of several years the number would increase to 6 with the addition of my younger brothers Dwight and Dan. Our family moved to Ohio after Dwight was born. Dan was born in Ohio several years later. Mom and dad divorced shortly afterward while us kids were still young. As an adult I have come to realize how difficult this made life for our mom however memories of those childhood years blend around several common themes, love, laughter, happiness and fun regardless of circumstances. Kids of our generation found many ways to entertain ourselves even without cell phones and video games. We spent many of our evenings playing Kick the Can. If Kick the Can had been a game in the Summer Olympics Brenda would have been a gold medal contender. She was fast and fearless, unlike most of the neighborhood girls who were afraid of the dark. As the person guarding the can moved cautiously away from it in their effort to locate the other players, Brenda would carefully consider the time it would take to cover the open ground between the can and where she hide in the shadows. When the time was right, she would spring forth and race toward the can. Planting her left foot, she would launch the can on a graceful ballistic trajectory which would make an NFL placekicker proud. Brenda and any players in "Jail" would then quickly disperse finding hiding places concealed in the dark. As in most families there was the occasional dispute or argument between us kids. In retrospect I see that these disputes create opportunities for us to learn lessons that can be applied throughout our lives. I think of an instance when Brenda and I were arguing about how to correctly pronounce the last name of one of her classmates. I called upon mom to arbitrate the dispute. I expected to feel vindication at having established that I was correct. Instead I felt remorse. What harm had there been in a name being mispronounced in our discussion. The answer is none! The lesson learned … Sometimes there are things far more important than being right. When I was 15, I had a job and was saving money to buy a car. School had just finished for the summer and many kids were looking forward to spending time at the city pool on St Marys street. Brenda was almost 12 years old, she loved swimming and was a very good swimmer. She wanted to get a pass so she could go to the pool as often as possible. The pass was 5 dollars, and she could only come up with a small fraction of that amount. She did not cry or complain but I knew how disappointed she was. As I rode my bicycle uptown to deposit my earnings, I decided that my deposit would be 5 dollars less this week. I would take the 5 dollars and buy Brenda a pass to the pool. She was so happy and her face lite up with the bright smile that would become her trademark over the years. She ran to where I was standing and gave me a big hug. I do not think either of us cried at that time although it brings tears to my eyes as I remember it now. It seems that she spent at least some part of every day that summer at the pool and enjoyed it very much. This was one of those times when I realized how fortunate I was to have the privilege of being a big brother. The lesson learned … It really is more blessed to give than to receive. The years raced by and the girl who had been my baby sister grew into a lovely young woman who eventually married Chuck Perry and raised a family of her own. Through marriages, births and adoptions our family has grown from the nucleus of 7 (mom, my siblings and I) to 87 members across 5 generations. Brenda had suffered with cancer in several forms for nearly 16 years. There had been a variety of treatments, surgery, several types of radiation and ultimately chemotherapy. Brenda was a born-again Christian having accepted Christ as her personal savior at an early age. She had served in various ministries of the church, nursery, youth group, AWANA, Sunday school and small groups to name a few. In recent years she had taken a special interest in Camp Patmos, a church camp on Kelley's Island. She spent many days there during the summer and fall assisting in any way she could. Faith was of great importance to Brenda and it sustained her during the difficult times of her struggle. The last time I saw my sister was the evening of Tuesday the 3rd of November 2020. She was again surrounded at home by family members and friends. A hospital bed had taken the place of the white wicker bassinet. The fluffy yellow and white blanket that I remember from years ago was replaced with several warm blankets and a bed spread made to resemble the state flag of Wyoming where her youngest son and his family live. I remember my thoughts at the time "She's no longer a baby but she's still my baby sister and always will be. To describe her appearance now I would probably say that she is pretty rather than cute (but I would not argue the point). She is no longer tiny, but I can close my eyes and remember when she was. I now know the answer to the question from 68 years ago "What's so special about her? EVERYTHING! Like the Tinman in the Wizard of Oz, "Now I know I've got a heart because I feel it breaking!" My sister Jan called me around 5:00 am on the 4th of November to tell me that Brenda had passed away earlier that morning. It was almost as if I heard a distant voice saying "Well done thou good and faithful servant, enter into the joy of thy Lord". On the pathway of life, Brenda took an exit and went home early. Look for us a little farther down the road sis. Our exit is coming up soon. Henry L. Alexander lives on Snyder Road in Norwalk.