Battling life one day at a time — and winning

Me: "Mary you are 90 years old today." Mary: "How did I get that old?" Me: "You keep breathing." Mary: "Oh, that's simple enough." So went the conversation recently with my mother-in-law, Mary Margaret Miller. We had a party for her to celebrate the occasion. It was held at Lions Park in Sandusky by the water. She likes to look out over the water and see the boats coming in and out. We had cake, ice cream and balloons. She has seven children and a multitude of grandchildren and great-grandchildren that together number more than 40 and many of them attended. It was a grand time and will be remembered by all of us, with the exception of one. Mary remembers nothing of the cake, ice cream or balloons. She remembers nothing about sitting by the lake with the breeze blowing in her hair and watching the boats. She doesn't recognize the faces or names of her sister, her deceased husband, Al, her seven children, or any of her grandchildren or great-grandchildren. Mary has dementia. This awful mind-erasing disease has robbed my mother-in-law and thousands throughout this country of past events, family members' names and just daily memories in general. She'll ask the same questions repeatedly. As soon as we answer, the memory of that response is gone. Two or three minutes later she may ask it again until some other question takes its place. My wife and her siblings have long ago resigned themselves to the fact that there is no hope in helping her regain any semblance of the mother they remember growing up. There is a book and a movie by the same name of "Death Be Not Proud." Mary's book title should be "Dementia Be Not Proud," because that is exactly how Mary, unknowingly to her, is facing this disease. Dementia cannot take any pride because Mary is still the same beautiful woman inside and out as she was when she was raising seven children on West Main Street in Norwalk. She's the same woman who dropped everything at the drop of a hat to help any of her children, picking up grandchildren or working at the rectory at St. Paul Catholic Church. Dementia has not robbed her of the absolute grace she exhibits in facing everyday life. They love her at the assisted living facility at Portland Place in Sandusky. She's not angry, petulant or irritable. She goes with the flow every day. She does everything they ask her to do, even if she has no idea why or where she's going. She just goes right along with whatever she's asked to do. Put chocolate and a glass of wine in front of her and she's good for the day! No, dementia you cannot be proud in your battle over this beautiful woman. You may have erased her memories, but you have not erased the beauty, grace and dignity that she possesses. That you will never take. I have no idea of whether Mary will reach 91, 95 or beyond. All I do know is that the way she battles dementia every day is very simple — she just keeps breathing. Dennis Stieber is a Norwalk resident.