Fallen children live on through "National Donate Life Month" celebration

NORWALK — Kathi Flew and Valerie Stebel both know the pain of losing a son. Flew's son, Dylan, died in a motorcycle accident on July 31, 2006. Stebel's son, Cody, died in a car accident on April 28, 2017. Since their deaths, though, Dylan and Cody have saved 10 lives through organ donation. And when National Donate Life Month comes around each April, their families remember the purpose their losses have served. "(Dylan) became a hero in one day," said Kathi Flew, who has become involved with Life Connections . "It's become great therapy for (my family). It gave us something to concentrate on in a very tragic situation." "That gives me comfort," Valerie Stebel added. "Even though Cody's body is not here, part of Cody still lives on in these people." The families were planning a large celebration for National Donate Life Blue and Green Day, which would have been April 17. The city always flies the Donate Life flag in April, but Stebel and Flew planned to take that tradition a step further. They'd invited all of Dylan and Cody's recipients for the flag raising. Then they'd eat brunch together and discuss their donors. COVID-19 put those plans on hold, but Flew still sees this month as an opportunity to inform people about the procedure that made her son a hero. "This month is important to us because it's a perfect opportunity to bring attention to organ donation, inform people about organ donation," she said. "Teach them the truths from the myths. There's a lot of myths that go along with it." One myth says that medical professionals won't try and save someone whose license identifies them as a donor. Another is organ donors can't have open-casket funerals. A third says that people who have fought cancer can't be a donor. All are wrong. Flew points out that it's a doctor's duty to try and keep each patient alive. The donation conversation doesn't begin until after someone is dead. Dylan debunked the second myth despite suffering head trauma in his accident. His casket remained open during his funeral. And according to cancer.net, it is "extremely rare" for a donor who fought cancer to pass the cancer to their recipient, particularly if they have been cancer-free for five years or more. Still Flew and Stebel understand that choosing to become a donor is a heavy decision. It's uncomfortable to consider your own mortality. But it's also uncomfortable to consider that 20 people die waiting for a transplant each day, according to organdonor.gov. Meanwhile, only three out of every 1,000 people die in a manner that allows for organ donation. Hospitals need the numbers. "It is a huge commitment to donate these organs but think about that person they are saving," Stebel said. "But what I tell people is, 'Think about that organ — it was your loved one's organ to start off with. Now they're saving a person's life." Flew said the people Dylan and Cody saved have become "extended family members." Stebel has invited Cody's recipients to family Christmas parties, the annual "weiner roasts" hosted by Stebel's mother and even to her son Jakob's football games. She said that, at first, she found herself emotional when introducing Cody's recipients. "But now," she said, "I'm just proud." Stebel finds solace in the fact that part of her son lives on. Moreover, he's saving lives. Flew is reminded of Dylan's impact several times per week. Hyway Trucking started displaying Dylan's photo on the back of its semi trucks in 2007. Flew receives messages and photos concerning "Dylan sightings" all the time. She hopes his story inspires other people to become heroes. "It's nothing you ever want to think about," Flew said. "I get that. I never did either. I always thought it would happen to someone else. But the truth is so much good can come out of so much tragedy that it's amazing. My son got to be a hero five times in one day. The average Joe — the average Dylan — doesn't get to to that."