Toledo-area family says goodbye remotely to father who died of coronavirus

TOLEDO — Nick Ramos had seen stories in recent weeks of families having to say goodbye to their dying loved ones from afar, and the sadness of that reality struck him. Now, Ramos and his family are trying to grieve after having to do the same with his father, 73-year-old Joseph V. Ramos of Defiance, on Wednesday. The family patriarch died in an isolated hospital room at ProMedica Bay Park Hospital in Oregon, one of six Lucas County deaths tied to the ongoing coronavirus pandemic. "That is going to stick with me forever," the younger Ramos, who lives in Los Angeles, told The Blade. "It's not how we lost him, it's how we had to say goodbye." He and his three siblings said their farewells through video chats that morning, assisted by a nurse using her personal iPhone. Ramos said he could see how tired his father was, and knew he was drifting in and out of consciousness. He first made small talk until he ran out of things to say. "The nurse grabbed her phone and aimed it back at her," Ramos said. "That's when I saw her in a full suit. She was completely covered. That brought me back to reality as far as how critical the situation was. She told me, 'I know this is hard, but I will be here when he passes.' ... I remember sinking so much further down on my couch. It was just like an anchor pulled me under." Then Ramos found he could hardly stop talking. He thanked his father for helping to nourish his interest in the arts and computers, setting him on his path to becoming a producer. "Technology always fascinated me, and I didn't see a lot of outlets for that in my school or my friendship circle," the younger Ramos said. "My dad went to the yellow pages and found someone, and paid him to come teach me about computers and software and how everything works." The Vietnam War veteran who regularly cracked jokes had spent more than 29 years working for General Motors to support his family. He loved playing Tejano music on guitar and accordion, and attending Hispanic dances in his hometown. Ramos knew that when he stopped talking Wednesday morning, he would never speak to his father again. He told him how grateful he was and how much he loved him. "I knew that I only had seconds left with him, and I did my best to really stay strong," Ramos said. "At some point, you run out of words." His father died that night. The hospital told the family they were going to transport him to hospice care because the bed was needed for other coronavirus patients, but the elder Mr. Ramos died when the transport team entered his room, his son said. Ramos said the worst part is knowing his family wasn't able to touch his father, to hug him or hold his hand to reassure him that he wasn't alone. "To know that my dad wasn't able to get that in the final days and hours of his life kills us," he said. "You don't know how valuable that human touch is, what it can do for your soul. That's the reality of what we're all facing." The pain is compounded further because the family can't gather for a funeral to honor their father. Because of restrictions related to the pandemic, they must remain separated as they grieve. While they can connect through technology to help each other, it's just not the same, Ramos said. "We can't even grieve properly," he said. "It's a terrible feeling, to have to try and reconcile all these emotions by yourself. And what scares me the most is that we may have to go through this again with other family members or friends." Ramos hopes by sharing his family's heartbreak, others will realize the pandemic is a matter of life and death. Everyone will eventually know someone who has been sickened or otherwise affected by coronavirus, he said. "My hope is that at least one person wakes up and takes this thing more seriously," he said. "That they stop going outside and hanging around groups of people. Don't trivialize the news reports or make light of it. We all like to think we're invincible, and we'll be in that 97 percent of people who will survive. But we all know someone in the 3 percent who will die if they get sick." The family believes Ramos was exposed to the coronavirus through contact with a nurse at his nursing home, Concord Care Center of Toledo, but said the family does not blame the facility for anything. Administrators there could not be reached for comment over the weekend. Shannon Lands, spokesman for the Toledo-Lucas County Health Department, said coronavirus cases popping up in long-term care facilities is ultimately inevitable. "Just because this individual was a resident of a specific nursing home, does not mean they were not following proper procedures and preparedness steps," she said. "This, unfortunately, is going to hit our most vulnerable population the hardest, and this case happened to have been at a long-term care facility. This is why we have all these restrictions in place to try to prevent this." Lands said nursing homes are generally well prepared for infectious diseases, like the flu or norovirus. The health department has been in contact with all the local group-care facilities to offer guidance and ensure they understand and are following the necessary procedures. An epidemiologist will directly contact any group-care facility that has more than one case of coronavirus to offer further guidance and support, Lands said. She noted the department has also been in close communication with the Northwest Ohio Developmental Center on South Detroit Avenue in Toledo where several cases have surfaced. A 50-year-old male resident there died Friday. Dr. Jeffrey Hudson, a deputy Lucas County coroner, said the man was reported to have had a fever but no other symptoms. A postmortem test came back positive for coronavirus. Because of the infectious nature of the virus, a full autopsy was not completed and Dr. Hudson ruled the virus as the cause of death. "The staff is just really brokenhearted," Tamara Hartley, spokesman for the Ohio Department of Developmental Disabilities, said. "It's like family." The facility has so far had four residents test positive for the virus, she said. Two are hospitalized and a third is in isolation at home. Nine staff members have either tested positive or shown symptoms of coronavirus and are in various stages of quarantine. The first case was confirmed March 26 when a caregiver tested positive, Hartley said. None of the state's seven other developmental centers have yet had any known cases of coronavirus, she said. The centers are following all federal and state recommendations, and have stepped up their cleaning procedures, particularly in Toledo. In addition to in-house custodial staff, a professional company is coming in multiple times per week. "We changed the styles of the rooms, making it easier to clean and eliminating some of the high-touch surfaces we have," Hartley said. Staff are also being assigned to specific rooms and residents to limit potential exposure, she said, adding she is impressed by the staff at the Toledo facility and how much they care for the residents and their families. "The biggest thing about all of this is how personal it is," Hartley said. "This is really affecting them." ——— ©2020 The Blade (Toledo, Ohio) Visit The Blade (Toledo, Ohio) at www.toledoblade.com Distributed by Tribune Content Agency, LLC.