I am no Biblical scholar and don’t claim to be.
One thing I do know about is God’s love.
I have read your letters for four or five years now, and the ones that really made me sad were the ones you wrote right before Christmas and Easter.
You have been stating things like God kills innocent people and he killed his own son.
First of all, Jesus could have made the choice not to die on the cross, but he chose to do so for you and I. I call that unconditional love.
The people you claimed to be innocent were people such as the Canaanites, Amorites, etc. These people sacrificed their own children on an altar of fire. They were also having sex with animals and other evil things. Deuteronomy 12:31.
God knew sooner or later these people would have an influence on his people. Sooner or later they, too, would be worshipping gods such as Baal and others.
If you had cancer, would you not want it cut out, or would you let it spread?
God also showed mercy, giving them time to repent. They chose not to.
Sodom and Gomorrah were also evil people. Genesis 18:22-33. Whole chapter of Genesis 19. You will see in these chapters God wanted to show mercy, but they did not listen.
I often wonder how long it will be before he destroys us. Could it be he is waiting for his children to come to him?
There was a saying that was popular during the World War II era — “There are no atheists in fox holes.”
I truly hope you find God before your last breath, because after that it is too late. Luke 16:22-26.
I will continue to pray for you.