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Don't believe it — cargo shorts are not dead

By Joe Centers • Aug 29, 2017 at 1:00 PM

We’ve heard a lot lately about fake news.

It’s everywhere and I am getting tired of it.

Here are three examples of what I am talking about:

Solar eclipse

We heard about this for months. We wrote stories about it and even sold glasses. People set up trips to be right in the sweet spot of the eclipse. This was going to be the biggest thing since sliced bread.

I attended an eclipse party last week at Hunters Glenn Condominiums with about 50 other people. It was fun, but most of these people are retired and any time they can have a party they jump right at the opportunity. I am looking forward to the day when I can set my daily schedule around waking up, watching Drew Carey and “The Price is Right,” eating lunch, taking a nap, eating dinner and then going to bed. Throw in an eclipse party and my week will be set.

I hope the next time the eclipse comes around in 2024 and we are right in the path it will be a little better. By then Jody and I might be living at Hunters Glenn and I’ll be right there at the watch party — just as long as it doesn’t interrupt my nap.

Fight of the century

P.T. Barnum is credited with saying there is a sucker born every minute. Bill Bader Sr. built his empire at Ohio 18 and Ohio 601 using the same theory.

Well, two guys are laughing all of the way to the bank after Saturday night’s sham of a boxing match. I heard one commentator say if this was the fight of the century, boxing has a long 83 years to go.

Reports say Floyd Mayweather, who came out of a two-year retirement at age 40 to take on UFC 155-pound champion Conor McGregor, could make as much as $300 million for one night's work in another record-breaking event.

Mayweather put in “real” work, too, on his way to a 10th-round technical knockout of McGregor, a novice boxer making his pro debut in a fight that was wholly illogical — which was probably one of the reasons millions of people were so intrigued.

But don’t feel sorry for McGregor, who could earn north of $100 million for his hour of work in the ring.

Cargo shorts are out of style

This one really grates my butt. Here is a recent report from the Huffington Post

“Breaking news: Cargo shorts are dead.

“Or are they? The Wall Street Journal reports that sales for the mid-1990s staple have fallen for the first time in more than 10 years, according to the market research firm NPD Group.

Once huge in stores such as Abercrombie & Fitch, the cargo short seems to be on the outs, thanks to a growing interest in athleisure and athletic wear, an NPD Group analyst told NPR.

While it’s unknown exactly why sales are declining, the cargo short certainly has a reputation for being unfashionable. Women have known this for a long time and now, men seem to be catching on.”

I disagree. I think cargo shorts are the best thing since sliced bread.

Women carry a purse. Men wear cargo shorts. I have a pocket for my wallet, a pocket for my keys, a pocket for my cell phone, a pocket for my stuff and a couple of pockets for my money.

There is nothing better than putting on a pair of cargo shorts, reaching into one of the pockets and pulling out some cash. It’s usually only $3 or $4, but that way you are never broke.

Cargo shorts are one of the great things in life for old guys, along with relaxed-fit trousers and big shirts.

I see these young guys wearing shirts two sizes too small so they can show off their six-packs and guns.

When old guys wear tight shirts all we show off is our 12-packs and pea-shooters.

It’s time to get rid of all this fake news — but not our cargo shorts.

Joe Centers is Reflector managing editor. He can be reached at jcenters@norwalkreflector.com.

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